Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
