I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize