Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
