my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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