Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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