By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
