how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
