did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
