im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
