ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
time to smoke my breakfast
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
