we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
