youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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