and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
