Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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