aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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