he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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