ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
