I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
