There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize