She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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