just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
