Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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