My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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