You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
