the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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