Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
