so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
