I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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