I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
