guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
