my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
