he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
