You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
