Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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