I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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