you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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