I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
