Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
