sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
