i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
