a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
