My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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