i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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