U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
