Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
