im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
