I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
