how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
