I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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