So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
