the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
