I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
