Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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