At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I deserve this hangover.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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