I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
