youre lurking in front of me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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