My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
