"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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