The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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