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I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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