OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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