Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize