Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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